The Top 10 Ways To Build Self Love

“Love yourself first and everything else falls into line. You really have to love yourself to get anything done in this world” Lucille Ball

It’s February and all thoughts turn to Valentine’s day and love, yet how many of us are thinking about the relationship we have with ourselves? How many of us are intentional and purposeful about nurturing and appreciating this relationship? This relationship is one of the most, in fact to my mind, THE most important relationship and yet, more often than not, the one we pay the least attention to. Or the one that, if it were possible, we’d ditch ourselves ‘cos there is not a lot of love going on!! Self- love is the number one secret to a happy life because wherever you go there you are

So as cheesy as the term may sound and it might make you screw your face up as it seems just a little bit self indulgent, then think again. Learning to love yourself is one of the most powerful and important things you can do in life. Your heart is your power and when you become the source of your own love in your life, it changes everything. Your relationships, your career, your confidence, your health, your happiness – they all flourish when you start to love yourself.


What do we mean by self love?

It’s about accepting yourself fully and unconditionally, it’s about treating yourself with the kindness and respect you deserve. It is about having high regard for your own well being and happiness. It allows you to nurture your own growth and wellbeing. When you hold yourself in high esteem, from there you are more likely to make healthy choices. And it does not mean you feel positive all the time, it does not mean you don’t mess up, it does not mean you don’t fail. But when you do, you do for yourself exactly what you would with someone you love dearly. We’ve all been angry with someone we love at some stage but the love we have for them informs how we forgive them, consider their feelings, meet their needs and make decisions that supports them,

So what if I don’t learn to love myself – guys it’s not pretty! Without it, you are highly self critical, fall into people pleasing and perfectionism. You tolerate people who mistreat you, you neglect yourself. Self love is the ultimate foundation in a happy and fulfilling life.

“To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance” Oscar Wilde

How do I practise it?

Exactly that practise! It can be challenging for many of us, especially when we face serious challenges. It’s not about being self-absorbed or narcissistic, it’s about getting in touch with ourselves, our well-being and our happiness. We practice self-love so we can push through our limiting beliefs and live a life that truly shines. It is also individual so figuring out what it means for you, is critical to your wellbeing. A great place to start is reading and here’s a book that has blown me away recently Good Vibes, Good Life

Take action too, do yourself a favour, take a deep breath, give yourself a little hug and begin to consciously practice some of the following:

1.Start each day by telling yourself something positive about yourself – how you handled a situation, how nice you look, something you are proud of yourself for.

2.Move your body every single day and learn to love the skin you’re in. You can’t hate your way into loving yourself

3.Spend time around people who uplift, support you, encourage you and make you want to show up as your best self

4.You are not your thoughts or feelings so don’t believe everything you think or feel to be fact. We all have an inner critic trying to keep us “safe” but in the process is not being very loving towards us and keeping us small.

https://www.ted.com/talks/kari_romeo_teach_your_inner_critic_a_new_story

5.Stop the comparisons.There is no one like you and that is your superpower

6.Celebrate your wins no matter how big or small. Pat yourself on the back for progress and effort along the way

7.Take time for yourself each day. Breathe in and out, clear your mind of your thoughts and just be.

8.Learn to say no. Saying no doesn’t make you a bad person, in fact, sometimes it makes you a smart person.

9.Forgive yourself. You know that thing you did one time (or maybe a few times) that made you feel bad, embarrassed, ashamed? It’s time to let that go. You can’t change the things you have done in the past but you can control your future. Look at it as a learning experience and believe in your ability to change.

10.Treat others with love and respect. It makes us feel better about ourselves when we treat others the way we hope to be treated. That doesn’t mean everybody will always repay the favour, but that’s their problem not yours.

Be patient and persistent with yourself. Self-love is forever evolving. It’s something that needs to be practised daily and can take a lifetime to master. So be kind and support yourself through the hard times. Most of all have fun! Get out there and do the things that make your heart sing. Enjoy them, enjoy being you and enjoy your incredible life.

If you liked this blog you may find more inspiration and ideas here The Essential Life Mantra | InShineOut

How the humble brussel sprout taught me a valuable lesson going into 2021!

For those of you repulsed by the brussel sprout, I hate to mention these “little green balls of hell”, at least that’s what my husband thinks they are. I,on the other hand, do like them and this Christmas they taught me a valuable lesson: a lesson about being able to let go and how to approach 2021 open to the possibility of what can emerge when we do.

How I hear you say? Well, like all of us, Covid Christmas 2020 was going to be “different”. In embracing the difference, we decided to have steak for Christmas dinner. I insisted that the brussels would still feature! Now I knew due to childhood trauma of having to eat your greens, Rich absolutely hates them. I also had a fair idea they probably weren’t going to be the most creative enhancement for our alternative Christmas dinner! Still I bought them anyway and yes they ended up being thrown as they rotted away in the veggie drawer.

You see I could not let go of the picture I had of what makes Christmas, even though a brussel sprout free menu was unfolding before my very eyes. Even though it was time to let go of that picture to make way for something new, I struggled. Only when I saw them rotting in the fridge, did I wish I had fully embraced what was happening and let them go with dignity at the time!

So as we all begin a new year creating visions,goals, planning and strategising, can I also encourage you to be able to let go. Remember to allow for life unfolding with unexpected twists and turns: (after all, who would have planned the year we just had):a new idea; an unforeseen opportunity; something off plan. I’m not saying you should not plan, on the contrary. I am all for it. Life will happen, so it is important to plan for what you would like to have happen. However, planning exactly how life should be can get in the way if we do not let go, if we are too rigid to acknowledge what is happening before us. So stay open, allow the sense of the unknown not to be a place of fear but an exciting place, a place of possibility and a place for a different story to emerge. Keep in mind the brussel sprout lesson of the power of letting go, after all there may be greater things waiting fo you. By the way our Christmas dinner was fabulous and washed down with an quality red wine we had a blissful, peaceful, loving, very Christmassy Christmas day.

If you liked reading this you may be interested in reading others by visiting www.inshineout.com/blog/

If you are ready to create a new way and stay open to the possibility of what will be, please get in touch Contact and lets have a chat to get you started on that journey.

Has your Detox gone digital yet?

On Sunday evening I spent a wonderful hour online with a group of ladies, talking about things self care and self love. You see, I believe one of the most important relationships, if not THE most important, is the one you have with yourself. Self care, self love, self belief, self confidence, self compassion etc There’s a reason they begin with self, only you can do it! This sets the tone for all your other relationships.

A few things became pretty apparent, very quickly. The first being that, even though everyone had different personal situations – some with babies, grown up kids, no kids, ageing parents, working from home, working in large corporations, self employed I could go on, many really struggled with the guilt of taking care of themselves. Words like indulgent and selfish came to mind for most people. Now I am here to tell you that thinking is the problem! You need to detox that thought! Even though I appreciate it is not always easy to find time for yourself in the melee of life, you must! It is essential, not a luxury. A self care plan is a healthcare plan, even if it is only 10mins in your day. So a suggested strategy to deal with this is to create a positive affirmation which is a powerful way of rewiring the brain to a new way of thinking and being.

Examples like

Taking care of myself is worth making time for and everyone benefits”

I take care of the world when I take care of myself

The other revealing thing for many was the curse of the “mindless scroll”. Yes, the mobile phone is like carrying life and work around in your hands, which is all great. You get instant access – whether it be banking, email, ordering goods, the news, getting directions. They are all there with the swipe of a screen. Many cannot imagine life without this. That said, it can also be a contributor to your stress. Like many things in life, it is not that it’s either good or bad but good and bad. Many things overused can turn into a liability or a problem. We discussed how easy it is to pick up the phone to “check something” and before you know it, you’ve been mindlessly scrolling for 30mins. So how to do a digital detox? There are 3 steps to any change of habit

1.Awareness

2.Action

3.Practise

Change begins first by becoming aware of how you are currently using it, what action you can take to improve – stop doing, start doing and then practise. It is about training yourself to pick up your phone only when you really need and mastering the meaningful scroll. So before you start scrolling think about what your intention is. Make sure it supports your goals, keeps the benefits and minimises any unnecessary drain on your attention, time and wellbeing. Here are some great suggestions to help reduce the urge:

Invest in an alarm clock instead of using the alarm on your phone

Put your phone on flight mode when working on another task

Keep screens out of the bedroom

(If this isn’t possible as you are an emergency contact, at least move it to the other side of the room to reduce any temptation to start scrolling just because you can get to sleep)

Set time limits and timers to keep you mindful

Take your phone off the table at dinner

Reduce notifications to a minimum

Leave your phone at home when you go out for a walk

I talked about a superpower that all of us as humans have, our power to consciously choose. It is said we operate anything from 75% – 95% of the time, unconsciously, in old beliefs, unhelpful habits and patterns. Get back in the driving seat! After all your brain pretty much does what it thinks you want it to do, so you need to direct it much more clearly .Take conscious control of how you choose to spend the time on the mobile phone. The upshot is self care is not all chocolates, candles and spa days which is important too. Self care is doing what you need to do to look after your total well being – mental, physical, emotional and spiritual and show up as your best self as much as possible

“Calm mind brings inner strength and self confidence so that’s very important for good health” Dalai lama

A Look In The Mirror

That’s all it takes to change the world. Take a long hard look in the mirror and really notice who you are.

We’re all screaming for peace right now – not just world peace – but peace in our towns and cities, in our workplaces, in our homes and in our minds. There has to be a better way to deal with this madness.

We need a new way of doing things. Yet we seem to be stuck in outdated modes of thought that have not been working. For if they did, we wouldn’t be in the predicaments we are in now. The past will keep repeating itself until we make a conscious choice to go in a new direction.

Going in a new direction begins inside of you, of me, and of us as individuals. Until we change as individuals, only then can the world change.

One of my favorite quotes is from Mahatma Gandhi – ‘You must be the change you want to see in the world.’ So to have world peace we have to look in the mirror. Take a look and try to find the peace you’re searching for in your heart.

If you can’t find it ask yourself why. It’s not missing – it’s been there with you all along waiting for you to begin your search within. Peace isn’t hard to find at all. You just have to dig from underneath all of the rubble – fear and anger. Once you push the fear and anger to the side peace will be in plain view.

When you find the peace in your heart you start to exude it. It becomes infectious. Joy soon follows and a sense of calm is not too far behind. All of this from one good look in the mirror. One hard look at who you really are. That’s all it takes to get the ball rolling.

And it’s easy to pass it on. Remind your loved ones to find their peace within. They’ll know it can be done because they would have seen the transformation in you. Be a walking example of peace and watch how it spreads.

When others come to you full of fear and anger remember the peace within yourself and gently remind them that no matter how bad it gets it will eventually work itself out for the best.

We get what we dwell upon so if we keep our thoughts based on fear and anger that’s what we’ll continue to get. Instead let’s focus on peace – peace within ourselves and let these thoughts multiply. Remember, be the change you want to see – so be peaceful within your heart and watch your world begin to mirror that.

Sharon James

www.InShineOut.com