The Power of Vulnerability

“Vulnerability is the birthplace of love, belonging, joy, courage, empathy and creativity. It is the source of hope, empathy, accountability and authenticity. If we want greater clarity in our purpose or deeper and more meaningful spiritual lives, vulnerability is the path. Brene Brown

I’ll start with a vulnerable share. At times when I start to write a post or a blog I feel very vulnerable, especially if it is my true inner thoughts and beliefs…I can hold back my voice for fear of being rejected! There I said! It is my biggest fear and the one I have had to confront the most. I don’t have a fear of failure, or being wrong… for me, that’s simply learning and I’m the eternal student. No, it is rejection. Perhaps this revelation is not something some people would associate with me. I hold back and listen to the voice that tells me what I write isn’t good enough, that it doesn’t make sense or that it is not what people want to hear. It is too much, it’s oversharing, it’s not practical and you’ll definitely have typos…. Today I’m writing anyway.


Why? Because I want us to think about vulnerability and another aspect of it that I’m sitting with today. It has so many aspects. You will hear it spoken of as a strength and I totally think it SO is….To quote Brene Brown https://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_the_power_of_vulnerability

“Vulnerability of the birthplace of love, belonging, joy, courage, empathy and creativity. It the source of hope, empathy, accountability and authenticity. If we want greater clarity in our purpose or deeper and more meaningful spiritual lives, vulnerability is the path.


We want this right? I know I do… but hold up there, it may be easy to say and not so easy to become or receive. There 2 sides to the coin….learning to give /be vulnerable and also learning to receive someone’s vulnerability. We need to learn to do both. I want to talk about learning to receive it. When someone is vulnerable with us and we respond with an eye movement, a judgement, advice, a “you shouldn’t feel like this”, “you need to do this”, we can actually do more harm than good. The person who was courageous enough to share can feel: Judged, Shamed, Not enough, Too much, Betrayed, Angry, Hurt, Not seen.

So it is important for us to have a deep appreciation of what courage it takes for someone to be vulnerable with us, to show or own their story, their shadow, to speak the previously unspeakable. Get skilled in recognising vulnerability, it can mask itself too. A person may say something about themselves in a way that sounds like they are so ok with being like that…..but saying it and truly being at peace with it, accepting it with their mind, body and soul, can still be the work in progress. It is also a privilege if someone shows their heart, their inner world to you and there truly is a way to witness and honour this. We must hold it with such tender, gentle, loving care. In doing so, in time, a person can learn to truly and fully accept all of themselves, especially the parts of themselves they hid as a way to fit in.
“ Vulnerability sounds like truth and feels like courage”

When you can accept you are ok exactly as you are in your:Not enoughness;Enoughness;Too muchness;Your Silence;Your Noise;Your Pain;Your Joy;Your Struggles. That’s truly learning to come home to yourself and reclaim yourself fully. Imagine what is possible from that place – possible to go after what you truly desire and want from your life. I believe by being vulnerable we show a way of leading others into the safety of themselves and give others permission to be imperfectly perfect human beings that we all are.I commit to continuing to be vulnerable with those who earn my vulnerability and to witnessing another’s vulnerability with gentle grace.
I’d love to hear your thoughts on being and receiving vulnerability.

I feel very honoured that in our Grit and Grace women’s circle we embody vulnerability. We open up our hearts and share our truth. Not only is this accepted but it is also welcomed and encouraged. We witness the bond of love,compassion and acceptance as we heal, transform and come home to oursleves fully. If you are seeking a safe supportive space to share, heal and reconnect with your deep inner feminine wisdom, please sign up to my newsletter via www.inshineout.com or email me to find out more about online and inperson circles.

#divinefeminine #vulnerabiltiy #homecoming #spiritualgrowth #sisterhood #wmenscircel #gritandgracewomen

3 Good Things that help develop an attitude of gratitude

“I’ve never met a thankful person who is bitter or a bitter person who is thankful”

Today is world Gratitude day but in my opinion every day should be gratitude day. I truly believe in the transformational power of Gratitude. It is about so much more than just saying thank you – it’s about not taking things for granted and having a sense of appreciation and thankfulness for things in life, no matter how small. People who are grateful tend to be happier, healthier and more fulfilled.

Practising being grateful can help you cope with stress and can even have a beneficial effect on heart rate. This action is easy to do, and its benefits have been scientifically proven. In tests, people who tried it each night for just one week were happier and less depressed 1, 3 and 6 months later.

https://positivepsychology.com/gratitude-happiness-research/


Why do it? From ancient times to today’s most recent science, gratitude is known to be good for us. Science is showing that gratitude is important for how good we feel psychologically and socially. It increases how much positive emotion we feel and decreases negative emotion. It has also been shown to reduce health complaints and help us cope with difficulties. Yet it isn’t always our automatic response. We often take the good things in our lives for granted. We have a natural focus on what goes wrong in our daily lives often going over and over these things in our head. We are quick to notice even the smallest of problems, yet we rarely spend any time at all dwelling on the good things. Things that brought us a quick smile or felt good are all too often forgotten or perhaps not even noticed in the first place. So, we must consciously learn to get into the habit of being grateful.

So a it is a very simple thing to do with an incredibly powerful impact. It’s about taking the time to notice the good things in our lives and get more from these. So how do i do it…simples
Develop an attitude of gratitude with “3 GOOD THINGS”
Each day write down 3 good things that happened. They can be anything you feel good about or grateful for, big or small. Even on a bad day there are normally some things you can feel good about. It does not mean you are ignoring the bad things; it just helps focus the attention more on the positive rather than dwelling on the negative.Then share with friends and family one or more of your good things

Now repeat this activity at the end of each day for a week. Use the sheet below to keep a record of you 3 good things over the course of the week and try to include why you felt these things were good. If for some reason you miss a day or can only think of two, don’t worry, just carry on the next day try telling your family and friends and asking them about theirs too.

If you are ready not only to create a “grateful” life but a great life, then why not pop over to www.inshineout.com and book in for a complimentary discovery call. I will find out how life feels for you right now, how you would like it to feel instead and how my 12 week coaching programme, I Shine Out can help. Imagine what it would feel like to love yourself, every part of your life, knowing you are on your right path and as well having the confidence and resilience to deal with whatever life throws at you. Imagine that. I want you to love your life but you can’t do that if you do not know what it is or wha’ts gettign in your way. One day or day one your choice. I’d love to have a chat.

The Best Way to avoid burnout? Enjoy the climb!

Boom, and just like that summer has gone! Already we are moving on to the next ‘mountain’, let me explain. I’ve been listening to Miley Cyrus, The Climb, this week and all of a sudden the words jumped out at me…

“There’s always gonna be another mountain
I’m always gonna wanna make it move…..


It’s a bit like life for us all at some point. You see we plan to rest and spend quality time with family, friends, doing the things that truly matter. Yet that never quite happens… Does it? The holidays come and go. Summer happens.You’re so busy ‘doing’ and trying to stay on top of it all, you don’t take the rest you waited six months for.

Then along comes another metaphorical mountain, half term, Christmas. And it starts all over again. And those are the ones you can anticipate! The longer you let this go on, the sooner you’ll burn out.
As soon as school is finished…”
“As soon as the holiday starts…”
“As soon as we have a little more money in the bank…
“THEN I’ll rest.
“THEN I’ll enjoy life.”

So we have to learn to enjoy the climb. As the song goes on

“Ain’t about how fast I get there
Ain’t about what’s waiting on the other side
It’s the climb”


We need to enjoy ourselves along the way, we need to build it into our climb and stop waiting until we get to the other side.

So how?
2 things: Manage your outlook and Manage your energy

Strategy 1 : Manage your outlook
Enjoy the ‘magical moments’ as Terry Orlick called them. He is the Founder of the Zone of Excellence which helps people live closer to potential AND live with more joy and harmony in their life.(Yes, it is possible)
Magical moments is the expression of that appreciation of enjoying the moment you are in. How often are you physically present and mentally absent – dinner at home but thinking about the email or at work thinking about not having visiited your parents in a while. It is so easy to loose touch but learning to be in the here and now helps refresh and recharge and takes very little time.
These moments are different for everyone but make sure you stop and smell the flowers or the coffee – watch the kids play, walk on the beach, the sunset, the birds singing, find joy in the everyday connections and be self abosorbed.Use the special china cup for your tea break! Make your work area nice, listen to a pod cast in the garden. If you genuinely cannot find some time each day embracing your highlights you will struggle to stop yourself from burning out

Set yourself a goal to consciously experience 2 a day not too much to ask! It reduces stress but fundamentally about controlling your thoughts rather than other way around

Strategy 2: Manage your energy
Do more of the things that energise you and reduce the things that don’t. I’ve have had a great summer and the most energising thing I’ve done is a morning dip in the sea with a few friends. It set me up in every way as we laugh so much, take in the beautiful scenery and feel the therapeutic benefits of the water. I’d thoroughly recommend it.
So before you get ready to ‘move that next mountain’, why not take time to reflect on your summer magical moments. Autumn is a season of transition and preparing for winter. It is about taking stock of all the abundance in your life.
So grab a few moments, with a nice cup of tea( in your favourite china cup of course!), and indulge yourself, revisist your camera roll and spend some time being with the summer experience you have just had


What are my most magical moments of summer?
What, who gave me energy?
What,who drained my energy?
What top 5 things that nourish my wellbeing?
Where am I feeling abdundant, grateful and thankful?
What mantra would I like to create for myself to navigate life and keep me in a resourceful, loving place?


After a chat with a friend over coffee we committed to stop pushing which led to the river comment below! I’m sticking them on my computer because I sure as hell forget the compassion piece a lot and do need to be reminded!

If you are ready for life to change, to move from burnout to balance by shedding the ways that no longer work for you and finding a path, pace and reality that does, then lets chat.

“The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step” and action truly is the antidote to fear.

Don’t let yourself get to the end of 2022 still walking the path of good intentions and not making time to do the things that nourish, connect you to yourself and help you perform at your best as a mother, daughter, sister, wife, business women and friend. Do something today that signals the change. Why not pop over to www.inshineout.com and book in for a complimentary discovery call .I will find out how life feels for you, how you would like it to feel instead and how my 12 week coaching programme, I Shine Out can help.

What have you done to make yourself feel proud?

Don’t ever be afraid to show off your true colours

June is the month, every year, for the last 50 years that we celebrate Pride. It is conscious, intentional time to teach tolerance, acceptance and equality throughout the world! Pride is all about love, friendship and creating a safe space for all, no matter how you identify. So this year in the spirit of Pride, I would love to have you join me and celebrate you! What do I have to celebrate, you may be thinking? Well you can choose what you want but I can think of a few things – you, your life journey and experiences, your falldown get back up stories, your gifts, talents, your struggles & challenges, your uniqueness in this world. It’s entirely up to you! I think this month is defintely a time for us all to come out of our “personal closet” and celebrate the authentic you, who you truly are, not who you think you should be.

Does the world see me as I am?

For a moment, lets be honest.I invite you to reflect on how much in life you fully express your true self? Whether that be in language, beliefs, action, dress, if you were being brutally honest, would you admit how much time you spend hiding, playing small or holding back? The times we think I’d better not do that or say that as they might not like me or accept me. It is in our human nature to want to belong but there is a difference between belonging and trying to fit in.

Maybe you don’t truly express yourself more because of expectations: family, society, cultural, religious, even expectations of yourself.

Whatever it might be, I invite you to let this month be your Pride celebration month too. A time for you to share with the world who you truly are, to practise expressing and showing up as your authentic self, in celebration of your amazing uniqueness.

To help may I suggest a few simple questions to ponder, firstly for yourself and then to share with those you choose

What is it time for me to celebrate?

What is unique about me?

What am I a stand for?

And if you want to dive more into learning who you truly are and how to show up more authentically in this world so that you can achieve your heart felt, soul driven dreams and desires, I’d love to chat. Why not pop over to my website www.inshineout.com

Book in for a complimentary discovery call or simple get in touch and lets talk about learning how to live your one and only life in a way that counts and is truly meaningful for you

“To be authentic means expressing who I am in the inside to the utmost and without calculating the risks involved”

The 3 real life superpowers to reduce stress and improve wellbeing

I believe it is time that women owned their “true” superpowers

Is this your typical day – you wake up and your first thought is “so much to do, so little time to do it in”.Then you mentally go over your to do list for the day ahead: kids ready for school; clients; business development (whats that!); dinner; self care (fat chance); ton of email; elderly parents and the list goes on. At this point you may not even have placed your feet on the bedroom floor yet! Then you spend the day chasing your tail, feeling overwhelmed, overworked and over committed. Finally you flop into bed totally exhausted and feeling that you have not achieved anything of importance or significance but got to get up tomorrow and do it all again anyway! Perhaps then you dream of donning a superwoman cape and that way all will be good in the world as you run around after everyone, being all things to all people and ending the day realising you haven’t taken a breath or had a moment to think about yourself. I’ve got news! Life is not a movie and although you may wish and wait for that kind of super power, the truth is there is something you can do. You can activate your true superpowers, not the superman kind but the superwoman kind. And you have everyone of them within your power… all you have to do is know what they are and start using them.

Lets get stuck right in……

#1 THE POWER OF CHOICE

Choice is the most powerful tool we have. Everything boils down to choice…

Okay you might not like me saying this but this is a superpower, consciously making active, intentional choices in your life based on your dreams, desires and what is important to you. We always have choice, even doing nothing is a choice in itself. Life will happen, the question is what would you like to make happen? It doesn’t get handed to you on a plate and sometimes it is so difficult: we choose what we want now in the moment over what we want most in life. Why? Because its tough, it requires discipline, courage and bravery to figure out what you really want and make decisons that align when you are up against the external “should storm”. Yes events do happen to you and you may have had no choice in that matter. Eventually you do though, on how you will respond and what you do next.

That said, I’m mostly referring to those everyday choices we make. If you are buzzing about in your busyness, on autopilot with the inner talk all being about have to…have to do this … have to do that. You might not even notice the choice points you have in your day. So firstly, change the language from have to..to choose to want to or choose not to. You’ll be amazed the difference such a seemingly small thing can have. Next, your are not your thoughts or your feelings. You think your thoughts and you feel your feelings but they are not who you are. You again may not know this running around and reacting to every thought and feeling like a directive. The key is to choose to slow down and pause. I feel rushed I better keep going. What do you do with 10mins of waiting time…scroll on your phone, send a quick email when, in fact, what you most need might be to do nothing or check in with your body and feelings? You do have a choice at that point. How about 2 minutes of mindful breathing, make a nice cup of time, have a mindful moment to check in with yourself ask how am I feeling right now and what do I need? Do not under estimate the power of different choices at points throughout your day to STOP – stop, take a breath, observe and be present. This is not a waste of time, you will actually gain time in your day! Experiment with this every time you go to do something, stop for a moment and think what other choice do I have in this moment and then choose wisely!

# 2 THE POWER OF BREATH

Sometimes the most important thing in a whole day is the rest we take between two breaths”

This is your life force, are you using it to help manage this crazy world? If you are anything like me, my guess is not enough. I’m taking a ‘mindfulness for modern life’ with the wonderful @natalierossiter. Check her out….www.natalierossiterwellbeing.co.uk. The other week our home challenge was to put into practice what we are learning. We were invited to do mindful moment checkins as I mentioned above. This was so revealing for me. I did it throughout my day and became aware that a lot of the time my answer was to simply take a breath. This surprised me and concerned me a bit, to be honest. So currently I am checking in with myself and intentionally stopping and sitting back to just breathe. The breath holds so much power in releasing anxiety, trauma, and stored negative emotions from the body. It drenches the body in oxygen, dislodges anxiety and trauma from the body and neutralises negative charge creating great healing benefits. When you become stressed or anxious your breathing patterns reflect this, becoming shallow and tense. When you open up the breathing, you put your body in a free and empowered state. Think about it , the one thing that is keeping you alive and you mostly do it without thinking at all!! So become more aware of your breath and use this superpower to regulate your nervous system, reduce your anxiety and stress by realising you have absolutely everything you need in that moment.

# 3 THE POWER OF SELF COMPASSION

“If your compassion does not include yourself, it’s incomplete” Buddha

And I mean self compassion. I’ve met many who are able to offer wonderful compassion to those around them but when it comes to themselves, it’s a different matter. So one of the other things about doing a mindful course, you become mindful. Not a surprise ! Recently what I’m noticing and observing is my self talk. It is almost automatic for me to be hard on myself and yet I extend fierce compassion to those around me. When I get something wrong or dont do it fast enough or as well as someone else….., my immediate default it to be so judgemental and critical of myself. “Sharon,you’re a coach,you teach this stuff” I hear you say. You are right I do know this. I’ve got 2 things to say to that. Yes and it is also critical to be intentional about my self practice as it can slip. I spoke with my partner from a circle training programme I’m doing. She agreed. As a yoga teacher she had also noted how in teaching it, she does not do it enough for herself and it can slip. Coaches are human too and have the same struggles of being human as everyone else. Equally when I do it, I notice the massive difference so I can share my real experience with you. The other thing which is true for us all is if we know it but don’t do, then we might as well not know it. Life does get in the way sometimes and when it does just bring yourself gently back on track.

If you want to know more about the power of self compassion, visit Dr Kristen Neffs work www.self-compassion.org .Dr Neff’s work tells us self-compassionate people recognise that being imperfect, failing, and experiencing life difficulties is inevitable, so they tend to be gentle with themselves when confronted with painful experiences rather than getting angry when life falls short of set ideals. When this reality is denied or fought against suffering increases in the form of stress, frustration and self-criticism.  When this reality is accepted with sympathy and kindness, greater emotional balance is experienced.

So here are some suggestions for you to open up to the possibility of being able to be more self compassionate.

Become more aware of your critical self talk and challenge yourself to come up with a way or saying to reflect being a good friend, be your own best friendUse a light word, a soft touch, comforting hand on your body ◦ ◦Allow yourself to be where you are at and for it to be ok. I’m having a hard time with this right now. Let what you think and feel to have its moment. Don’t give it a microphone or hide it in the corner. Allow it to come and then it will goWhen you make a mistake ask what can I give myself right now to be supportive, how can I learn from thisForgive yourself fast & show others forgiveness, they are human too

So in conclusion you don’t need Kryptonite or a cape, all you need to do is engage your 3 key human superpowers. Start being intentional with your choices, breathe and show self compassion. See where this takes you.

Rate your use of these superpowers currently? Where are you strong and what benefits do you notice? How can you get even better?

Which do you need to activate or reactivate? Start small and think of 1thing you could implement now to get going. I’d love to hear how you get on #activatemysuperpowers

I’m an inner beauty coach I work with women who are feeling disconnected, stuck or have lost their sparkle to fall back in love with themselves and life to become a happier, healthier more empowered version of themselves, inside and out.I help you connect and build your inner courage,strength and compassion to live life your way, create a new path forward and let the real you shine through. Like what you are reading? Would like to read more or perhaps you’d like to explore coaching with me to help you feel the most powerful and fully aligned you’ve ever been?If so pop over to my website, https://inshineout-com.stackstaging.com or click on this link to book in now https://calendly.com/sharonjamesinshineout/initial-consult

Alternatively, I lead monthly Grit & Grace womens circle where there is a safe space to explore, empower and connect with other women in a judgement free, loving supportive space. Interested simply email sharon@inshineout for more info.

Do you have “M Power” ? The secret ingredient of women’s success

“The most common way people give up power is by thinking they don’t have any” Alice Walker

I decided October was going to be all about empowerment. Autumn had arrived, inspiring me to think of what we, like autumn shedding its leaves, need to let go of to make space for our growth. This word came to mind. Then I started thinking, what do I actually mean by that and what does the word mean? Is it just me or do you use words as a matter of course but when asked what do YOU mean by that, you have not truly reflected on that? If I am honest that’s what happened here, in the sense that I have never truly reflected about what I mean in the context of my coaching business and women’s circles.


Yes I have delivered countless leadership workshops and we talk about empowerment a lot in that space. When I looked up the dictionary definition, it makes sense as to why it is important for leaders. You cannot achieve your results without empowering and enabling the performance of your teams:


1. the giving or delegation of power or authority; authorization
2. the giving of an ability; enablement or permission


Here, as the leader, you empower others through delegation, authority levels, skill building and by getting out of the way. A leader can often be a blockage too when it comes to empowering others. Sometimes it truly is about learning how to remove yourself from the equation in a way that gives you comfort that the job is being done and you are not stifling your employees.

I was thinking it more in relation to personal empowerment. To be honest, it’s not really that different.This is still about leadership – being the leader in your own life. You cannot achieve the results you want in life without empowering and enabling yourself. It does not come from someone or the outside world. No, you give it to yourself, it comes from you. It is about removing the obstacles which get in the way of you showing up fully in this world exactly as you are, not who you think you should be. It’s about giving yourself permission to live aligned with and acting from your own values, vision, and integrity. When I ask women in my women’s circles and coaching sessions – what is getting in the way of you feeling fully empowered, the answer is always ME.I’m getting in my own way! Just like the leaders do sometimes!


As I let these words flow from me onto this piece of paper, I actually do not think empowerment is a thing but rather a way of being – actively present and consciously choosing how you are in the world. Owning all your own thoughts, feelings, behaviours and being 100% responsible for yourself. Not easy! It is within us all but often we do not feel empowered or able to empower ourselves. Why not? Because we spend so much time giving it away! We are in our own heads riddled with guilt, doubting, allowing our inner critic way too much space and not taking care of ourselves.


So, here are a few things to think about in relation to your ‘MPower’. You could be giving it away by:


1. Being a people pleaser, trying to please everyone … not possible
2. Being unwilling to be unliked at times… N.B not everyone will like you, no surprise there, you do not like everyone!
3. Not being clear about what your own wants and needs are. How can someone else take care of you, if you do not know how to.
4. Not speaking up for yourself and what you truly believe … what DO I think?
5. Buying into “good girl” syndrome.
6. Letting the stories of not good enough, smart enough, beautiful enough play on constant loop in your mind…. Enough … is this really true ask yourself. You may find most of the old narratives you play time and time again in your head were written on the mental chalkboard aged 8 when you didn’t know any better!
7. Not knowing or accepting your gifts,talents and uniqueness
8. Not being able to accept compliments …. Oh, this old thing…. Oh, it wasn’t me I had help from the team
9. Berating yourself for not being perfect …. breaking news.. no-one is. Focusing on what we don’t have or can’t do,not what you do have or can do.
10. And constantly apologising when you’ve done nothing wrong. A personal bug bear. Why because I do it and hate it when I do. Sorry for asking, sorry for disturbing …. Sorry not sorry. Spend a day and note how many times you say sorry …

I’m sure we can all relate or resonate with this, we are after all human. But maybe it is time to claim back some of the power you are giving away. A good start is think about what it truly takes to empower yourself.

Sounds like hard work! As it is not easy to do, is it worth it to work on giving yourself the power to be you? Hell yes!

You get your needs met too; you live the life you want not the one you think you should have. You get to walk into that room and no longer feel the need to compare yourself to anyone. You get to feel good about yourself and all your imperfections too. They are just as much a part of you. You get to enjoy your success and achievements, big and small and celebrate beautiful you. You get to fail because you see it as learning. You get to be a role model for younger women coming behind you. When you speak confidently, take risks, own your accomplishments, take care of yourself and stand up for yourself, you show them a different way, you empower them too. Achieve things you did not even think possible. You get to be the real perfectly imperfect, beautiful you. The outside world becomes a source of inspiration not desperation when you do the inner work.


So, it is worth a little delve into looking at how you could stand even more full in your own power. I think so but it is much easier to do it in the company of others as you explore what do you want your life to be about, who you want to be and what experiences you want to create and how to empower yourself more.


“The empowered woman is powerful beyond measure and beautiful beyond description”

If you are looking for a great place to delve deeper into this topic in a supportive, accepting , powerful space way, then join us at Grit and Grace Women’s circle where our one aim is to empower each other.

I’m an inner beauty coach I work with women who are feeling disconnected, stuck or have lost their sparkle to fall back in love with themselves and life to become a happier, healthier more empowered version of themselves, inside and out.I help you connect and build your inner courage,strength and compassion to live life your way, create a new path forward and let the real you shine through. So perhaps you’d like to explore coaching with me to help you feel the most powerful and fully aligned you’ve ever been. Now, not one day when. If so and you’d like to learn more about how I might be able to support you,pop over to my website, https://inshineout-com.stackstaging.com or click on this link to book in now https://calendly.com/sharonjamesinshineout/initial-consult

The Happiness “Must Haves”

“Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions” Dalai Lama

Are there really happiness “must haves”? I know about fashion trend “must haves” and latest gadget trends but happiness, really? Well science tells us yes and here’s a clue, it might not be what is actually on your list! So what’s on your list – a promotion, a pay increase, new car, new house or weight loss ? I could go on, you fill in your blanks. And yes when you tick that off your list, you might be very glad. I haven’t met anyone who intentionally sets out to get something that will make them unhappy. But it might not bring you the long lasting happiness you’d hoped for. Think about it … every single thing you do is intended to make you happier.  And yet sometimes you get diverted and do things that actually move you away from this goal. Ever heard someone say,”so-and-so is great, but I’m just not happy?” Or have you ever wondered why you just couldn’t seem to find happiness?

The pursuit of happiness is one that we humans have been working on since the beginning of time and yet the concept of “happiness” is often hard to accurately define. There is no gene or DNA marker that determines who will be happy and who will not.

Living the good life, thriving, flourishing, self-actualization, joy, and purpose are words that come to mind. So can we experience these in the middle of a chaotic world and negative circumstances? Can we learn to grow or find skills that lead to this “happy life?” According to prominent psychologist, Martin Seligman, the answer is yes. In his book Flourish https://www.amazon.co.uk/Flourish-Understanding-Happiness-Wellbeing-psychology/, he introduces the PERMA model and in its simplest form, it is the individual elements in life that research has shown, can cultivate greater happiness and wellbeing overall.

This is exactly why most of my coaching clients work with me. They feel stuck, disconnected or a general sense of unhappiness. They come to me to work on THEIR own version : a fulfilled sense of happiness and wellbeing. With no idea where to start, the PERMA model is a fantastic tool for us to begin the process of exploring. I love the simple framework as it brings so much clarity and they identify where they can start making the positive changes immediately.

PERMA is simply the acronym for the 5 elements

P ositive emotions

You need to be able to feel good, hopeful, and inspired by the things you do and the life you live. Think hope, joy, interest and gratitude, to name a few. The more they are present, the better you feel AND you are more equipped to deal with negative setbacks. Just think, during lockdown did you begin to think about what you could do to bring more joy into your life? Did walks in nature,new hobbies, learning a new skill suddenly become very important to you. It is true that our basic needs must be met like having shelter, food and water. When they are in place we can work on exploring what can further fuel us – creative pursuits, relationships and fulfilling work.

Simple suggestions to build positive emotions:

  • Spend time with people who lift and light you up
  • Do activities that you enjoy (hobbies)
  • Listen to uplifting or inspirational music
  • At the end of each day reflect on 3 good things or what went well in your day

E ngagement

Engagement is sometimes also referred to as ‘flow’ (Csikszentmihalyi, 2002). It’s the process of being fully engaged and immersed in the activities, duties, and tasks that fill your life.In other words, it is living in the present moment and focusing entirely on the task at hand.

This is sadly lacking for a lot of people. Pursuing careers that you do not feel any passion for, working on your weaknesses and overlooking the strengths. So stuck in the past or anxious about the future, you forget to stop and connect with the moment you are in. Sound familiar? It does to me.

How can you be more in flow? The more you use your strengths, the more you will experience flow. You can also look to figuring out how to use your signature strengths to help with more difficult tasks. To use them though you must be aware of what they are and acknowledge and accept them .

Simple suggestions to help increase engagement:

  • Engage in activities that you really love, where you lose track of time when you do them
  • Learn mindfulness technques, mditation , yoga
  • Spend time in nature watching, listening and observing what happens around you

R elationships

Relationships are a crucial part of your sense of well-being and happiness and this refers to all the different interactions you have – family, partner, friends, work colleagues, community at large. We are inherently social creatures and this provides a wonderful source of energy for our wellbeing. In fact it is one of the components in living to be a ripe old age. How authentic and the depths of your interactions matter too. This is why you feel uplifted in the right company, you feel seen, heard, understood, supported and listened to which you do in return for others. This all then leads to even more positive emotions.

Suggested ways to build relationships:

  • Share good news and celebrate with family and friends
  • Join a class or group that interests you.
  • Ask questions to get to know people.
  • Create friendships with people you are acquainted with.
  • Get in touch with people you have not spoken to or connected with in a while.

M eaning

Meaning is about more than just what you do; it also includes the ideas and beliefs you hold – about yourself and life in general . It is about your need to feel a sense of value and worth beyond yourself. Having a sense of purpose also helps you focus on what really matters when you are facing adversity.

Again like all of these elements, it is very individual and will be different for everyone. You could pursue meaning through career, a hobby, sprituality, a political cause or in a community. It will no doubt be guided by what you value in life and the perspective you hold

Simple suggestions to build meaning:

  • Get involved in a cause or organization that matters to you.
  • Try new, creative activities to find things you connect with.
  • Think about how you can use your passions to help others.
  • Journal on what gives you meaning in life

A ccomplishment

Accomplishment can also be found through setting feasible goals that you can reach and feel a sense of progress in how you want your life to be. Finding achievement in these ways again helps to encourage further positive emotions, such as confidence and pride. This then adds to your continued sense of happiness and well-being.

Accomplishment in PERMA is also known as achievement, mastery, or competence.

Simple suggestions to build accomplishment:

  • Set highly valued goals
  • Reflect on past successes.
  • Celebrate your achievements along the way as well at the outcomes.

PERMA +

The PLUS has been added in response to other wellbeing research. I’m sure its no surprise to know that physical activity, nutrition, sleep plus a splash of optimism are essential components too. So you have all you need now to reflect on your route to happiness. Are you on it or are you going totally in the wrong direction?

I’m an inner beauty coach I work with women who are feeling disconnected, stuck or have lost their sparkle to fall back in love with themselves and life to become a happier, healthier more empowered version of themselves, inside and out.I help you connect and build your inner confidence, courage,strength and compassion to live life your way, create a new path forward and let the real you shine through. If you’d like to learn more about how I might be able to support you,pop over to my website, https://inshineout-com.stackstaging.com or click on this link to book in now https://calendly.com/sharonjamesinshineout/initial-consult

Day 1 or 1 day, your choice

My Journey to Life Coaching via The Road Not Taken!

Photo by Jens Lelie on Unsplash

It’s a cliché but it’s true! Our life is a journey… For me, the Robert Frost poem ‘The Road Not Taken’ always resonated, deep in my soul. I’m not sure I knew why, but I do know now my life has followed a “different” path, not all by choice, but whether it happened to me, for me or I made it happen, I can say now:

“I took the one less travelled by and that has made all the difference”

But the most important journey of all?

“The only journey is the one within” Rainer Maria Rilke

“Wee me”


So where did it all start ?
Born in Northern Ireland in 1965, I grew up during “the troubles” and despite what was going on in my “wee country” I felt a lot of love. I remember great summers, loving school, loving people and loving life. I’m so grateful for my childhood and the loving family I grew up in. It gave me a solidation foundation.

My teens on the other hand were traumatic. I attended a new school, was separated from my friends and bullied because I was different. I met my first love and things were good until a series of tragic events became defining events in my life and have profoundly shaped who I am and how I show up in the world, even now. Illness and death within my family and a tragic accident meant another loss and I was only 21.

These events left me with a cruel awareness of the fragility of life, but also a deep, deep sense of gratitude and understanding of the power of choice and responsibility.

At 21 it didn’t feel like this – it just felt like a massive pain inside. But the self-development & self-healing journey had begun…

Photo by Arie Wubben on Unsplash

I didn’t know where I was heading, just that I needed to run away! With hindsight my mid-twenties to my mid-thirties were about discovering and defining the professional and personal me! I’d lost my identity and the pain was so much to bear I hid it away. My outer and inner worlds were very different. I soldiered on and my key strategy was ‘just say yes!’ Yes to travelling, yes to jobs, yes to making the most of what life had to offer.

I was out of my comfort zone but it was less painful than staying where I was. It took me to live in a lot of wonderful places;London, Chicago, Spain, France and a few other countries in between. I loved travelling and learning. I started to accept difference as good rather than the painful thing it had been for me.

Professionally, I started to show an ability to help people perform at their best. I found myself in positions of leadership and became very passionate about what being a leader meant. I focused on how I could get people to be at their best, including myself. I was curious and fascinated by untapped potential. I led differently – with emotional intelligence rather than authority. I see it now as a real strong feminine leadership energy. Despite being told I was too soft, to quote Frank Sinatra, I did it my way!

I wanted to have a positive impact on the people I led and to develop the leader in them. Leadership is still a topic of fascination for me to this day and I honestly believe that being the leader in your life is a choice you can make. I became increasingly frustrated by the corporate world’s take on leadership being about leaving out the emotion. That would have been impossible for me! My frustration was that this was always questioned as to whether I could cut it or not! Was I tough enough! And would this limit the levels in the organisation I could aspire to! I was always being told I was a bit of a maverick, aka leading in my way. My teams achieved amazing results, turned around challenging situations.I was connecting with people at an emotional level. I am proud of that period.


Personally, this phase was about letting go of some of my past by facing up to it and processing the grief, learning to love and care for myself. My life wasn’t following the usual path of – get a good job, meet a guy, get married, settle down and then start a family. It wasn’t that I didn’t want it, but it wasn’t happening! I was labelled as a ‘high maintenance career woman’ which did not reflect who I felt I truly was. It was a tough time, my Bridget Jones period! Through inward reflection, I worked on releasing and rewriting some of my old stories and the stories of others that I was unconsciously buying into. I came to accept my path was ‘different’ not wrong! It did not mean there was something wrong with me. From that place of acceptance I began to enjoy what I actually had. It wasn’t long after that I met my husband and the next chapters of my life began.

I took the plunge and set up my own leadership coaching business. To use the term life coach then would be like career suicide even though I knew that’s what we were all working on. I love the quote ‘Sometimes the longest journey we make is the 16 inches from our heads to our hearts’. I helped my clients lead with head and heart, more emphasis on the heart piece. I worked with the whole person and helped them tap into who they truly were. In getting to know, grow and connect with the best version of themselves, they became confident leaders from the inside, flourishing in work and life.

Whilst I was so blessed to have met my amazing husband, we had our challenges too. Circumstances meant that we remained a family of 2 and this presented another identity challenge for me; if I’m not a mother, am I a valid human being? We decided we had a choice to on how we lived our lives so we went on a great journey together creating positive change. I am so grateful to have lived in Spain for 10 years, living the “dream”, feeling happy, healthy and loving life.

Still on the journey of life and in 2016 a breast cancer diagnosis meant life fell apart again. I was now stronger and more resilient but this challenge was physical, mental and emotional. It finally taught me the huge lesson in self-care I wasn’t quite getting until then. On the outside, it looked like I took care of myself but I had been struggling with learning to say no and setting healthy boundaries for myself. I was listening to the inner critical voice too much. I needed to learn it was okay to for me to have needs too and to let go of feeling bad, ashamed or guilty just because I wanted to do something different.
Now five years on and I am determined to live life to the full, not wanting or wondering when the cancer will return. What a waste of a beautiful life that would be.


And so it continues. I’m definitely a work in progress! What I have learned? We are enough, have enough and are smarter, stronger, braver that we can even imagine. No mud, no lotus. Life will life and it is a balance of knowing that and creating what you want to have happen.

I’m finally listening to my own heart. I wanted to let go of the coach mould I was trying to fit into and see if I could create my own. I want to help women fully claim our incredible inner beauty and strength which when you connect with it, it moves you to a different plane.

I want to help women who feel disconnected, stuck in their story, or have lost their sparkle due to life circumstances to fall back in love with themselves and life and shine from the inside out.

I truly believe we are all on the journey and writing the story of our life. Sometimes life happens and the chapter gets written for you, other times you need to go back and re-edit the chapter in a way that empowers you and allows you to move forward. The shadows of some life events never go away, you simply learn to live with them. And you also get to write your own chapters.

If you are ready to think about your story, re-write it and create the next exciting chapter, why not pop over to www.inshineout.com and book in for a complimentary consult or follow me

www.instagram.com/sharonjamesinshineout

www.facebook.com/InShineout and lets journey together

Whether its face to face or via Zoom, I’m here when you are ready .

Here’s to the next chapter.

#1 Essential Habit for Happiness & Success.

Photo by Drew Beamer on Unsplash

Our total wellbeing is THE most important asset we will ever have in terms of our ability to live a happy and successful life. Yet it is often the asset we invest in the least. So what I am about to share with you helps when things go wrong, in times of challenge, or when you have messed up. Or also if you signed up for the life will go swimmingly until the day I die plan and it hasn’t quite tuned out that way!

It is a habit which is 100% in your control and used by most successful people in life. “What is it?”, I hear you say. My guess is that you actually know what it is but you may not have learnt how to use it effectively for yourself just yet!!

Imagine if you will, a dear friend who is having a hard time, struggling in some way, feeling bad about themselves. Now think about how you would respond to your friend in this situation (especially when you are at your best). Think about what you’d do, the types of words you’d choose, your tone of voice, physically how you’d portray that you are there for them in this challenging time. You’ve got the picture.

Now think about times when you are struggling, have made a mistake or are feeling bad about yourself. How do you typically respond to yourself – tone, words, doing and showing it physcially?

Hands up, metaphorically of course, is there a difference between the 2 for you? When I’m with an audience, almost 100% of hands go up, every time, no matter who the audience is. It’s great news if you would have put your hand up… it means you already know the habit and have the basic skills needed to practice it.

So what is the habit…. showing compassion. However, the real skill is learning to direct this kindness and care towards yourself, instead of only toward others! Showing SELF COMPASSION.

There are 3 simple components:

Photo by Jean-Karim Dangou on Unsplash

Self kindness, Common humanity, Mindfulness

When we learn to apply this to ourselves we reap the benefits of less stress, anxiety, helplessness and depression. We gain more confidence and ability to help ourselves as well as greater life satisfaction.There has been lots of research on this, it’s taught in the U.S army! I am reliably informed they call it strength training, which it is…. inner strength training.

So how can we build our inner strength muscle? Well, first let go of the belief that it is self pity, self indulgent or a weakness. The number 1 block is people think it will undermine their motivation.That isn’t going to happen. In fact as you practise you develop the confidence to try more, go further, step way out of your comfort zone and really go after what you truly want in life. Hence a great habit to develop if you want to be successful, happy or both. In my mind they are different but that is a topic for another day!!

How do I develop my self compassionate response ?

Photo by Glenn Carstens-Peters on Unsplash

*Be open to the possibility of being more self compassionate in your mind

*Become aware of your critical self talk and challenge yourself to be your “own best friend”

*Use a light word, a comforting hand on your body, on your heart

*Take a deep breath

*Allow yourself to be having a hard time with this right now, this too shall pass

*Develop a mantra to support yourself – something Friendly, Understanding, Caring and Kind

“This is tough right now, I’m not alone, others experience this too, may I be kind to myself right now”

With time you will become much more courageous, resilient, may be even bolder and braver. But even if you don’t, life will definitely get easier!

If you like what you are reading here why not pop along to my website and read more

Blog | InShineOut or sign up to my free ” Managing the mental distraction”

I’m an inner beauty coach I work with women who are feeling disconnected, stuck or have lost their sparkle to fall back in love with themselves and life to become a happier, healthier more empowered version of themselves, inside and out.I help you connect and build your inner confidence, courage,strength and compassion to live life your way, create a new path forward and let the real you shine through. If you’d like to learn more about how I might be able to support you,pop over to my website, https://inshineout-com.stackstaging.com and book in for a complimentary consult.

My day of reflection

Yesterday we took time out to reflect on the year we have just had in a pandemic. A year that no-one imagined ever living through. Like everything in life there are stories of heartache, bravery, courage, and amazing acts of kindness, caring, dedication and resilience. Today is my day of reflection as 5 years ago today, 24 March, 2016, when I thought the world was my oyster, my world came crashing down round me. 3 words you have cancer and life has never been the same since. But it is not all doom and gloom. Although those chemo days are still scarred in my mind and my body shows the scars of the illness too, I try to look on them now as signs of resilience and bravery. I use them to help me to always have hope because as “hope is the only thing stronger than fear” This is something we must hold onto at the moment and not allow ourselves to be consumed by fear.

Here I am, 5 years later and I am so grateful as many did not get that chance. I take joy in the little things in life and do all I possibly can to encourage people to live their one and only life in a way that’s meaningful for them. If you don’t like your situation change it, if you can’t change it, change your attitude. Ask for help, know you are not alone and always be kind as you never know what a person is going through. Not all scars are visible.So no matter where you are now, believe you can be in a better place in months or years from now. The people and friends I lost along the way, I’m thinking of all of you today. And in particular my dear friend Becky. I’ll keep trying to follow your advice to “always leave a little sparkle wherever you go”