Our total wellbeing is THE most important asset we will ever have in terms of our ability to live a happy and successful life. Yet it is often the asset we invest in the least. So what I am about to share with you helps when things go wrong, in times of challenge, or when you have messed up. Or also if you signed up for the life will go swimmingly until the day I die plan and it hasn’t quite tuned out that way!
It is a habit which is 100% in your control and used by most successful people in life. “What is it?”, I hear you say. My guess is that you actually know what it is but you may not have learnt how to use it effectively for yourself just yet!!
Imagine if you will, a dear friend who is having a hard time, struggling in some way, feeling bad about themselves. Now think about how you would respond to your friend in this situation (especially when you are at your best). Think about what you’d do, the types of words you’d choose, your tone of voice, physically how you’d portray that you are there for them in this challenging time. You’ve got the picture.
Now think about times when you are struggling, have made a mistake or are feeling bad about yourself. How do you typically respond to yourself – tone, words, doing and showing it physcially?
Hands up, metaphorically of course, is there a difference between the 2 for you? When I’m with an audience, almost 100% of hands go up, every time, no matter who the audience is. It’s great news if you would have put your hand up… it means you already know the habit and have the basic skills needed to practice it.
So what is the habit…. showing compassion. However, the real skill is learning to direct this kindness and care towards yourself, instead of only toward others! Showing SELF COMPASSION.
There are 3 simple components:
Self kindness, Common humanity, Mindfulness
When we learn to apply this to ourselves we reap the benefits of less stress, anxiety, helplessness and depression. We gain more confidence and ability to help ourselves as well as greater life satisfaction.There has been lots of research on this, it’s taught in the U.S army! I am reliably informed they call it strength training, which it is…. inner strength training.
So how can we build our inner strength muscle? Well, first let go of the belief that it is self pity, self indulgent or a weakness. The number 1 block is people think it will undermine their motivation.That isn’t going to happen. In fact as you practise you develop the confidence to try more, go further, step way out of your comfort zone and really go after what you truly want in life. Hence a great habit to develop if you want to be successful, happy or both. In my mind they are different but that is a topic for another day!!
How do I develop my self compassionate response ?
*Be open to the possibility of being more self compassionate in your mind
*Become aware of your critical self talk and challenge yourself to be your “own best friend”
*Use a light word, a comforting hand on your body, on your heart
*Take a deep breath
*Allow yourself to be having a hard time with this right now, this too shall pass
*Develop a mantra to support yourself – something Friendly, Understanding, Caring and Kind
“This is tough right now, I’m not alone, others experience this too, may I be kind to myself right now”
With time you will become much more courageous, resilient, may be even bolder and braver. But even if you don’t, life will definitely get easier!
If you like what you are reading here why not pop along to my website and read more
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I’m an inner beauty coach I work with women who are feeling disconnected, stuck or have lost their sparkle to fall back in love with themselves and life to become a happier, healthier more empowered version of themselves, inside and out.I help you connect and build your inner confidence, courage,strength and compassion to live life your way, create a new path forward and let the real you shine through. If you’d like to learn more about how I might be able to support you,pop over to my website, https://www.inshineout.com and book in for a complimentary consult.